Swinging is a term that relates to sex.  Typically with sex partners who have sex with other people.  Swingers actually have their own scene.  It’s large, has it’s own events, it’s own clubs.  Some of which are nicer than many of the BDSM venues.  There are VIP membership only swinger venues, house parties, and open venues.

BDSM on the other hand is, Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism.  It relates to parties doing these acts on one another.  Often in combination.  There tends to be an erotic component, though not always.  Many folks in BDSM are in relationships, and at times multiple relationships.  Play parties also tend to be fairly open.  People often play with strangers, usually at least one of the parties in the scene has another partner.

Though this doesn’t equal swinging as play does not equal sex.  Rather the central feature in play relates to the tenants of BDSM.  It revolves around the giving of pain, and power exchange.  While people in BDSM often have multiple play partners, this by default does not mean that they have sex with each of them, nor does it mean that there is any sort of sexual stimulation involved.

However, there are folks who are into BDSM and are also swingers.

Swinging also isn’t polyamory.  Polyamory is about multiple intimate relationships.  Polyamorous individuals often do have sex with each of their partners, though it is not the primary reason for the relationship.  Rather, polyamory bases itself on the other aspects of relationships.  Love, intimacy, and communication.

However, polyamorous individuals may have sex just for the sake of having sex, and may also identify with swinging.  Many people involved in BDSM also identify as poly.

Why are these definitions important?  It kind of upsets the flow of at the bondage party when someone approaches your primary partner and attempts to demand them to have sex with someone.  With some twisted understanding that kind of behavior is appropriate.  Often times at bdsm parties I and/or my partner have been approached as if we were there to have sex.  Rather than being there to beat the crap out of each other, as well as our closest friends.

However, when I’m at swinger venues this behavior doesn’t bother me, and there is an immediate understanding that is why many other people are there.  The nature of our play tends to be more sexual and exhibitionist.  I also do not go up to people and ask of I can hit them, light them on fire, or stab them with needles.  Though when I’m at a BDSM party I’d like that same level of respect from the swingers in attendance.  Because it’s perfectly ok to demand that I beat the shit out of someone, just don’t demand me to sleep with them.