A lot of new submissives come to me wondering how I handle pain.  To approach this topic adequetely it’s important to note why pain is good, psychological mechanisms that keep us from feeling that, the nature of D/s dynamics, and the importance of self study and aftercare.

Pain is good

When in pain our bodies release a host of awesome chemicals on par with some of the coolest drugs out there.  There are other things I like about pain, beyond the science I’m masochist at heart.  What I also like about pain is it also involves an extreme amount of physical exertion.  The tired aftermath and the mental reset is equally good to me.

What keeps people away

We’re organically wired to avoid pain as it is the bodies natural defense mechanism against injury.  When we hurt it’s a sign something in the environment is an imminent threat.  However, not all pain leads to injury, or to injury directly proportional to the amount of pain.  We can hurt a lot and be injured very little.

The D/s dynamic

Enables the masochist to interrupt the pain avoidance response by passing all control over to the dominant.  This is a broad overarching statement.  It doesn’t mean that feedback on the part of the submissive is not important.  If we’re in tune enough, and experienced enough with our bodies we can tell when pain is leading to injury and when pain is just leading to more pain.  I do my best to feel the way my body is taking to ties, impact etc, and grade the level of damage.  It’s a learning process.  However, once setup is done, my only responsibility is for managing my response.

It’s the beautiful interplay between sadism, masochism, and bondage.  It’s allowing power exchange to be put into action.  There is a mutual benefit, the masochist gets greater leeway and ability to be in the experience, in return for giving the sadist the control and ability to inflict harm that they desire.

Importance of Self Study

The more you know yourself, the more you can gain and contribute to scenes.  A Master can provide a submissive with techniques, however, it is up to the submissive to use them to understand themselves for themselves.  It’s only from that point of self fulfillment that one can truly give to another, as it is only at that point of self fulfillment that one can truly give to themselves.

There are several things that have helped me learn my body, and mind:

• Yoga – practicing yoga, stretching, and some study of dance has given me solid training in my internal kinesthetics.  I know how my body moves, I know how to control nearly every muscle group in my body.  Also Yoga provides an excellent means of learning proper breathing and relaxation.
• Meditation – the ability to clear the mind and feel serenity from within.  To change thinking patterns, focus, and concentration at will.  I gained most of my knowledge through neo-pagan study in meditation and trance.  Though Eastern philosophies tend to be easier to grasp and research for beginners.  As well as more intense Yoga study which bridges into meditation work.  Trick is Yoga truly is a form of meditation.
• Spirituality, Morality, and Ethics – it’s important for all of us to have a context for ourselves.  Whether it be philosophy, religion, psychology, in whatever form it’s important to form a strong spiritual core, sense of morals, and ethics.  Not just for our own behavior but as a means of assessing our own self worth and gauging what is appropriate behavior from others.

Self Care and Aftercare

Masochism at this point in my life is a celebration of my body not a punishment.  It’s important for us to take care of ourselves, and honor ourselves.  This comes down to the most basic things, eating well, sleeping well, countering feelings of self hate, guilt and shame.

After a scene I dress comfortably, listen to my body and give it what it needs.  I eat healthy, I go about my normal activities, and get appropriate amounts of rest.  Though I keep in mind that my brain dropped a lot of it’s chemistry the day before.  Psychologically I’m bound to feel a bit burned, with a potential for looser control over emotions, decreased concentration, etc.  Also keeping in mind my bodies natural healing process.  That same assessment of kinesthetics remains in play as I deal with strained joints, etc.

It’s important to find contentment in every part of the process, for me the recovery phase comes with a light increased awareness. The world slows down for a day, and I can more closely study everything around me and myself.  This floods back in to D/s work, as well as all other aspects of my life.  Never waste an opportunity to enjoy and to learn, and every moment is an opportunity.